I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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