apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
