you turned your livingroom into a bong?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
