I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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