I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
