i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i think i scared a bird with my dick
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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