Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
