Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize