got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
