the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
