I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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