First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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