apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
