I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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