Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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