if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
