Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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