My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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