There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
