I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
