Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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