It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
