Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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