just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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