i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
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They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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