So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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