Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
