Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
this is an emotional support booty call
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
