well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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