i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
