Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
