no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
