so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
