Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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