Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
