i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
