are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
