At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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