my vag is so smooth its legendary
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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