i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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