I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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