The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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