My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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