At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
