Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
