then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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