ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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