Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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