I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
