just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
