Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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