Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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