Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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