if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
