dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
