i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
