I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize