Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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