you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Randomize