dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
