haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I know her cup size but not her name....
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
