we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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