you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize