I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
