I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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