Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
