I want to stick my p in your. b.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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