I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
