We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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