You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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