just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
